Most people have special memories about their special places in their childhood. I don’t have too many good memories about my childhood. One summer, I left home and went to university. All the students had to live in their schoolhouse together at the university in my country. I always remember my dormitory and bed. This was the first time I left home and lived all by myself. I felt I owned the space that belonged to me totally. I could enjoy life leisurely and freely.
All schoolhouse were built in different areas. Some building were only designated for girls and some for boys. Our building was built behind the school and was a five-story building. Our dormitory was on the top floor of the building, and the door face the stairway. Everyday, we saw the dormitory’s door when breathlessly finished the last step of the stair. We felt we arrived the our homes. When we entered the room, there were two tables to our left. We used them to put bowls, chopsticks and cups. To our right, a bookshelf stood. We used it to put textbooks and washbasins. The bookshelf and the tables faced each other. Along with tables and the bookshelf, there were four bunk beds against each side of the wall. That meant there were eight beds. Seven of us lived in this room. We gathered all the baggage on the empty bed. Only one window was facing the entrance. I chose the upper bunk, which was close to the window. Our dormitory was only 215sq.ft. People may think that is too small for seven of us, but we felt that was big enough for us that time. We were all away from our homes for the first time. We were enjoying this carefree time together.
I liked to live in the upper bunk because no one could bother me. I set up the mosquito netting. It made one small apace for me. My mosquito netting was white and I could see through, but from the outside people couldn’t see in. I hung a picture of me and decorated more with some maple leaves inside the mosquito netting. It somewhat made my space colorful and romantic. Whenever I climbed and went into my mosquito netting, it was my small living room, I felt. I had a recorder and an airplane-like desk lamp. When I turned on my lamp and the recorder, I really felt it was my own white world. In the evening, everybody went to the library, but I stayed in my dormitory and lay down on my bed. I listened to music, stared at those maple leaves and daydreamed. My mind flew freely in the sky. At that moment, I could think about everything, or I could think nothing. I felt I was worry free. I didn’t care bout what I had done and what I had said in the daytime. I was enjoying an endless white world of my own.
I was used to having the mosquito netting in my bed. I felt so uncomfortable when I took away and washed it at the end of every semester. I looked at my bed and it was empty without mosquito netting. Although it had the lamp and the recorder, it was still nothing. Only the white icy wall was around me. I couldn’t read, nor listen to music and think. I felt my dormitory was noisy. It seemed the ground stopped moving. Everything became stranger. My dream was broken, I thought.
I always made another dream when on dream was broken in my life. At that time, sadness was only a temporary feeling. I would feel better again after I set up the mosquito netting. But life cannot be as simple as that. We can only have a one-way ticket to the future. I found out, I have come from a long way. I cannot go back to the past. Now, I have more free space than my dormitory. And also I have a bigger sky than my bed. I still remember my dormitory and my white world. I will always hold on to my dreams. I have to face the future smiling, no matter what the future will be.
– October 14, 2001
